The Sexiest Zombies
Can the walking dead make you horny? These amazing examples of undead pulchritude will prove to you that just because you're dead it doesn't mean that you can't get it on. Read on for our list of the sexiest zombies.
Can the walking dead make you horny? These amazing examples of undead pulchritude will prove to you that just because you're dead it doesn't mean that you can't get it on. Read on for our list of the sexiest zombies.
I think one thing we can learn from the modern zombie is that breast implants look pretty good on a rotting corpse. Unlike the natural deposits of adipose tissue that make up natural breasts, fake hooters keep their shape perfectly even as bacteria and insects ravage the dead body. Whether this is a positive thing for the human race is still up for discussion. This recently-dead hottie might know.
The only thing that can kill a zombie is total brain destruction, so obviously whoever tried to put this lovely lady down didn't finish the job. One thing that kind of perplexes me is that her hair is just so neat. Once you die, I don't think you spend that much time pinning your hair up. Oh well, I'm not complaining. Just don't push that sign through a few more inches.
One of the most bizarre zombie movies ever, Return Of The Living Dead 3 tells the tale of a love from beyond the grave. When hot teenage girl Julie gets thrown from a motorcycle into a guardrail, her boyfriend sneaks the corpse into a military base and uses an experimental gas to reanimate her as a zombie. She discovers that pain helps her stop the craving for brains, and turns herself into a crazy S&M pierced zombie ass-kicker. It's not a look for everybody, but it works for us!
Nurse
Health care workers are some of the most vulnerable to zombie infection—well-meaning citizens bring their frothing, drooling undead relatives into the hospital and they just get to biting everybody in reach. It looks like somebody tried to take this naughty nurse out with a hypodermic needle to the throat, but that won't even slow a zombie down.
Kat
Sure, Zombie Strippers isn't a great movie—even though it is based on an Ionesco play—but it does have one thing to recommend it. Jenna Jameson, one of the most famous adult actresses of all time, plays "Kat," the head peeler at a strip club who takes a bite from a zombie Marine. Naturally, she gets infected and the club's patrons discover that they prefer undead girls taking their clothes off to live ones. It all turns out to be a plot by the Bush Administration in the end.
Axe Girl
Zombies are often walking around with weapons dangling off them—there's nothing worse than getting your axe stuck in some undead shambler's torso and watching him just walk away with it. This chick looks like she took a couple rough runs around the track before being reanimated—a noose around her neck and an axe wound in her neck. But she's still one of the sexiest zombies ever!
Alice
Okay, we've probably all seen enough "dark interpretations" of Alice in Wonderland. It's not scary anymore. But we'll make a special exception for this foxy zombie Alice. It looks like she got turned to the path of flesh-eating by her Cheshire Cat companion. How come animals don't ever seem to be affected by the zombie virus? Can you image how screwed up an anthill of zombie ants would be? Or a zombie polar bear?
Andrew Currie's Fido is one of the better zombie movies in recent memory. In an alternate universe 1950s, zombies are kept as household pets and are mostly domesticated. But when the titular zombie bites Tammy, a young neighbor girl played by Sonja Bennett, things get a little bit out of control. Tammy is a cute and perky little zombie who has a tough time adjusting to her new lifestyle, but everything ends happily in the end.
Somehow I doubt that the walking dead have the perspicacity necessary to take shots using the Myspace angle. Maybe somebody decided to do this zombie honey a solid and teach her about the right way to hold a camera in between taking snacks on human brains. Maybe she died before everybody moved over to Facebook though.
This lovely lady looks a little too cheerful to be among the ranks of the walking dead, but the state of her passenger indicates that she's just chowed down on a meal of delicious brains. I think we caught her at a good time, before her hair got all matted and filled with worms. That's the thing about sexy she-zombies: you need to get them while they're fresh.
At the end of the day, the worst thing about these zombified hotties isn't their insatiable hunger for human brains—it's their smell. Rotting flesh just doesn't smell very good, and none of these ladies is taking the time to apply some Secret to their underarms. As their afterlife continues and they gradually rot away, the dirt and grime of the fallen world sticks to them like glue, and then you get something like this—a totally foxy babe covered in the stench of the grave. Kind of makes you think, doesn't it?
